Three reassuring phrases you should never say to a child.
‘and why they accidentally cause more harm than good’
The human mind is a sponge, especially at a young age. Our subconscious mind is always listening and always taking instruction, even when the things it hears aren’t necessarily intended as instructions.
What our subconscious mind hears is taken in as ‘programming’ and negative programming is particularly powerful.
Millions of years ago, most things that were negative usually steered us away from sources of danger. So we have evolved to be particularly responsive to negative programming, it’s simply a survival mechanism.
Nowadays, our day-to-day survival isn’t as under threat (thankfully!). But our brains evolutionary wiring is still there, working against us every chance it gets.
Look at three common examples of negative programming:
(things you should never say!)
“That’s just not your thing is it.”
“Don’t worry, you’ve never been any good at that anyway.”
“It’s ok, you’re not interested in that anyway are you.”
What we hear from other people and what we say to ourselves becomes our “programming“.
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This programming affects our beliefs,
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Our beliefs generate our attitudes,
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Our attitudes create our feelings,
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Our feelings influence our actions,
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Our actions determine our RESULTS.
Always think about how are you affecting children’s programming.
Let’s choose one of our three statements and run it through the five steps above:
“That’s just not your thing, is it?”
[Negative Programming Process:]
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Belief: –
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‘This isn’t for me, so it doesn’t matter that I can’t do this.’
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Attitude: –
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Not interested. Don’t Care. Why bother?
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Feelings: –
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Odd one out. In the wrong crowd. Inferior. Insecure.
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Actions: –
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Half-hearted participation. Distracted and distracts others. Frequent absence. No self-practice.
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Results: –
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Progress is small and slow, reinforcing the Negative Programming. [cycle repeats]
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Eek! Doesn’t look good, does it? So let’s flip the switch and add some positivity to the programming.
Instead of “That’s just not your thing, is it?” Let’s try…
“This is something new, if you work at it you’ll improve!”
[Positive Programming Process:]
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Belief: –
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‘This is tricky now, but it will get easier as I get better.’
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Attitude: –
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Thrives on challenge. ‘I can do this!’. Understands failing is part of learning.
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Feelings: –
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Belonging. Progressing. Confident. Achiever.
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Actions: –
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Tries again and again. On time, rearing to go! Often practices and exercises out of the studio.
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Results: –
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Progresses and improves. Sees the positive changes. Continues to believe they ‘can’!
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We are affected by programming hundreds of thousands of times in our life, it’s not just in the dance studio.
How many times have you heard someone say
“I always forget names!”, “I’m never on time.”, “You always make a mess!”, “I’m always tired!”
And so on and so on…
The things we say to ourselves and the things other people say to us are taken in and acted on by our subconscious mind more than we may ever realise.
If you found this brief blog on this topic interesting you may also enjoy reading:
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‘As a Man Thinketh’ by James Allen
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‘What to say when you talk to yourself’ by Shad Helmstetter
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‘Think and Grow Rich’ – by Napoleon Hill